I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
