is your mom at the bar?
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
