mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
