my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
