i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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