i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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