Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
There's always time for handjobs
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
