The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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