Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize