Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
