He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
