I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You are the jesus of drinking
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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