I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
