the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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