He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
