Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I love you. Go after that dick
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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