What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It's official drugs can't kill me
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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