last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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