Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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