Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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