dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
