hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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