these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
