So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
