we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
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