So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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