I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I need a beard to bite.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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