i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize