My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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