I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize