HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Watching her eat just hurts me
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
