oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
