Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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