also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
