I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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