everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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