i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
