I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize