Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize