Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
