Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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