I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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