My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Randomize
