when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
