Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
