R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
They have beer where we have blood.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
