her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
