this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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