I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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