some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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