Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize