I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
