Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I have fence marks all over my body
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize