I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
