You can't special order awesome
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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