porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
