No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
50% drunk capacity currently
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
