Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
