you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
