I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
