Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
