Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
