we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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