I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Randomize
