Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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