you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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