nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
