you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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