That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You are the jesus of drinking
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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