He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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